venting on a bad habit

ok, I need to vent. Some people haven't heard, some are tired of hearing, but I quit smoking about 4 months ago. With the rare slip-up. So basically, went from a pack a day to none at all, and for four months now. Ok, can I just say this is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life!

I was on the patch for about 8 weeks or so, and it was rough, but the patch is a wonderful thing and really worked great. But after that, its been hard. And the worst part for me is that it's not in my body anymore, the addiction is all in my head.

My husband and I discussed this over the past weekend. It is so frustrating how a little cigarette can totally take over your life! But i loved it!! lol. And it's really hard!

Sometimes I am absolutely fine but a lot of times I feel as if I am crawling out of my own skin. That is the only way I can come up with to describe it. It's crazy. And it's not a "I need a cigarette now!" feeling anymore. It's really a "I can't sit here any longer, I feel like I could run a marathon, and I'm losing it feeling." Crawling out of my skin. Nuts. And any patience that I ever had in the past, yeah, pretty much gone.

I know I've been terrible to get along with and live with, and I'm really trying to get over this. i know it'll get better as time goes on as well. Steve said he was impressed that I've gone this long because usually it takes a few times "quitting" to actually quit. I smoked for 12 years and this is my first quit. I can do it, but geez!!

I wish I could be the social smoker that some of my friends are because honestly, I really loved it. but I can't. I know that about myself.

Plus, it was my stress reliever, and I haven't figured out how to handle that yet without it.
I know it all sounds really silly, it does to me too, and that might be the most frustrating of it all. but I am a strong girl, darn it, and I can do this. one way or another.

Thanks for letting me vent! :)